Nursing, its high school all over again.

There I said it, I absolutely love to hate nursing. I have worked in a hospital with a bunch of menopausal, middle aged women, in their sixties that re-live high school everyday. You have the charge that refuses to take any assignment or admission because she is “the charge”. Her friends cannot take an admission because they are her friends and she is “the charge”. She will split up the patients and give you the worst techs because, again she is “the charge”.  The first person and only person to alway be sitting at the nurse’s station and complains the loudest. Her lemming friends and her talk about how they have 30 plus years working on the floor and they can retire if they wanted to, but continue to work because they are bored. Bullshit! You have no idea what else to do, call it what you want; bullying, horizontal violence, its called “high school”.
Nursing sucks because 95% of the population in this field are women and we are bitches. We bitch and whine all the time, but nothing ever gets solved. We back stab, gossip, and get people fired. Why? Because we are jealous, evil, green monsters. We like to ask 20 questions during report, even though we had them the day before, just because we can. We love to irritate other nurses and pretend that everything is brand new, why? It’s a sickness we thrive off of. We are killing the profession!!!
If we actually band together and fought together maybe there would be progress. We cannot move forward until we swallow our pride and work together as a team.
Why do we run short staffed? First of all administration and corporations staff inadequately due to their budget cuts. They want nurses to take 8 patients not based on acuity, but on a silly non-sense grid. You want us to kiss ass because it is about “customer service”  and those patient satisfaction  scores. How can we satisfy customers if we run short staffed? You cannot have an acute patient that weighs over 300 pounds that is non-ambulatory and incontinent without adequate staffing. Obviously it will take 2 people to assist this one patient, what happens when the other call lights go off, but the 2 are with this patient for 20 minutes?
Secondly, nurses move on because we get tried of being treated like a second class citizen. I do not know doctor why the patient decided to spike a fever at 2 in the morning instead of at 4 in the afternoon. I will make sure next time they spike a fever at your connivence. I am sorry family member I did not offer you a diet coke or your father’s soup was not warm enough, while I was preforming CPR on another patient! I am sorry the guy next door is crying out in pain, I’ll kindly tell him to “shut the fuck up because your neighbor says you are being too loud” And finally let me tell you that when your family member complains that no one has seen the patient or the patient is being ignored, it means you dumbass needs to come in and visit! They are lonely and want attention from you, not me.
Frankly it is quite sad when management reprimand the good staff, and allow bad staff to get away with murder. I get you keep the complainer because not only do they not do their job, they snitch in return to keep their job. It is perfectly acceptable to talk on your cellphone while you are feeding your patients, because this way you  keep a close eye on the hard working employee across the room. Again we allow the wrong people to run our career and burn us out.  We are too busy worrying about what other people are doing and not focusing on what is happening right in front of our faces. If the younger generation nurses are furthering their education to get away from bedside nursing, who will take care of patients if everyone leaves? I am sorry if I offend anyone, but this is my person opinion.

Through the Eyes of an American Born Nurse

I went into nursing blindly, did not know what to expect but ended up loving it. School was harder for me because most of my fellow peers were Caucasian. There was obvious favoritism, but that is just the way things have always been for me. I never let my instructor’s racist inappropriate comments stop me from being the person I am today.  To re-cap the evil witch made a comment if I was tired because she couldn’t tell from my small eyes in front of the entire class. This continued during the semester, but with anyone that was non-Caucasian.  

Fast-forward three years and still racism continues, but on a more subtle note. I see favoritism all the time with management and their protection among their own race. I remember when a friend of the Director was hired as the evening supervisor, then promoted to unit manager. The position was up for grabs and everyone that applied that was non-white was turned down. When there’s a complaint about a co-worker not finishing her duty the response is because she is a new grad. When a Caucasian male nurse did not follow through putting a patient in harms way, nothing was every done.

I gave a patient more calories than I was supposed to and was written up. Where is the justice? HR is caught in the middle because she sees it, but keeps quiet because she has a family to feed too. Should we sit in silence and let this continue or should we speak up and lose or job? It has become a no win situation, are we being denied promotions because of our skin color? I am American born Asian; my parents came here in the 60’s to live the American dream. What is equality? Did it ever exist?

New year, new memories

A priceless piece of time captured in your heart forever. It is something you cannot buy, fake or pretend. This is what I want when I lay in bed at my old frail age, knowing I did all I could with the ones that I love the most. I want to live my life to the fullest with no regrets with my friends and family. Disney is absolutely fucking magical! 

Our trip to Disney World will probably be postponed due to having to buy a new car. I honestly would rather spend that magical moment with my children than a honking piece of metal. I believe the term vacation is different for every person, I believe a vacation should be jammed packed. Everyday there should be something exciting planned, because it is a waste of time and money to relax in the sun. Why not just stay home and go hang out at your local beach?

We had originally planned to go vacationing with our friends, but I decided it would be best if we went alone.  I honestly love them, but I do not want the added stress of their frugality toward my family during a VACATION! I do not believe everyone should make the sacrifice of flying because one family wants to save money and drive. First of all if they do the research they will only save a total of $375 only toward gas, excluding wear and tear, food, and lodging. The idea of sitting in a care for 24 plus hours is not what I call a vacation.

I may not wealthy, but I believe my family is entitled to some luxury. I’m not talking 5 star hotels with someone at my every beck and call. My idea of luxury means, not having to stress or penny pinch every nickel and dime. It is called enjoyment and convenience!

I recently read an article about the artist Sting and leaving no money for his children. He basically said he is working hard to spend it with his family, so they can work hard and earn their own. I completely agree with his parenting tactics. I do work hard so my family can enjoy time together creating new memories. I do not want to have any regrets on my deathbed, you cannot take money, but you can leave behind a legacy.

This is a new year and as I reflect I am grateful for so many things. I am in a sacred partnership with morals and values. We share amazing children that can drive us crazy at times, but worth every moment. He has been there for me at my lowest and we are still working on the highest. Although I may seem bitter at times, one thing I do know for a fact is we have strong family values. 

Lazy dumb fools...

I have worked with the same lazy people for over two years now. What have I come to discover? One is pretty evil and other is a vegetable! I have seen laziness come and go, but these two are pretty malicious. It could be culturally because of their caste system, kissing up to the Caucasian because someone how they are superior in their eyes.
I found it funny because they have been there a lot longer than I have and they are still working the same position. Teamwork does not exist in their cultural, but does in the world of nurses (or at least should). I know I sound racist, but it has gotten to the point where I see it all the time with this ethnicity.
Example #1: At my workplace, lets call them the brown noser and vegetable. Brown noser acts busy, but really is doing nothing, she is searching for mistakes that other people make. Then there is the vegetable that is not only manipulative, but blows things out of proportion. Those two love going to the "DON" to show the mistakes of others, which I think is terrible. Nurses are supposed to have each other's back, but sadly everyone wants to get ahead, only to be found walking in place. These two have never no idea how to critically think, yet alone admit a patient without passing it along.
I have been stabbed in the back like anyone else, but this time it has gone to far! Nurses make mistakes all the times, even the ones that claim they have never made a med error is full of crap! I am the type that tries to be helpful, even though I know it is there laziness.
The brown noser loves to preach about her Christianity, but we all know she's a two faced hypocrite that sleeps wonderfully at night. She bitched to me about wanting to go to church, but had to go back to her country because her relative was dying, WTF?! Then there is the vegetable that goes on and on about how she doesn't have to work, trying to make it seem like she's the bored housewife. This is the one that loves to give me parenting advise, please woman! I know my marriage is stronger than hers because I do not believe in infidelity and secondly I have a strong relationship with my children. Sending your children to a fancy school, trying to be a tiger mom, is not called parenting!
Example #2 My children have a friend from this particular culture, she was telling me her parents want her to be a doctor. I asked her if that is what she wants to do and her response was "they make a lot money". Oh boy! Money is not everything and it is sad that her parents have instilled this in head. You become a doctor because you want to help people or discover a cure for an incurable disease. Not because of money! May be this is why the idea of being a doctor is no longer prestigious as it used to be. Of course I never said any of this to her.
Example #3 My neighbors. They have been pretty friendly to us, but when they have issues with stuff they think my husband is going to come over and fix it. I am sorry our cheap fucks, go hire someone, my husband is not your handyman! They are also the ones that sit with our neighbors that never acknowledge us (they are Caucasian) because in their mind they are more superior.

I pity these fools because money and backstabbing is not going to get you far in life. You will be poor in your heart treating others as servants. I worked with a resident in a long term facility and their family treated everyone like trash. I'm sorry, your mother is a Medicaid recipient, technically my tax paying dollars is paying for her stay. If you are so wealthy and high class you would put her in a fancy facility!
I look at vegetable and brown noser, I feel sorry for them. They will always think reporting someone to upper management will get them far, but sadly you are seen as the snitch and not a team player. They have been working at the same facility, passing along their work, and tattle telling the entire time. Sadly, you do not have the manager title behind your name and your co-workers all hate you.

I hate mother's day

I do think mother's should be celebrated, but I personally hate this hallmark holiday! I guess you can you say it has always over powered my birthday, since it lands on the same week every year. It is like being born in December and sharing it with Jesus. It just kind of sucks, although I have nothing against the man. This goes back to my first mother's day, listening to my spouse tell me that I am not his mother. Yup, OUCH! It still continues on, I will get a happy mother's day from my children, friends, and co-worker, but not him. Fast forward 11 years and still nothing, but I have learned to except disappointment, and just to embrace it.
This year on May 9 my husband tells me that the kids really want to get me something for my birthday and mother's day because they forgot his. I said I really do not want anything, but to spare their feelings I said I guess we can go out to eat. The day of Mother's day I felt tired, from working a double two days before. I simply stated that everywhere is way too crowded and I need to go to Target. I was told to stay home because he was going to take his mother and the kids out to eat. At first I was little hurt, but he does have a right, after all it is his mom and I am only the mother of his children.

Where have all the good preceptors gone?

Bullying is sad thing that happens even as an adult. This day had seem so surreal, but the reality is I truly am crushed. Today I had a meeting with my manager regarding my 90 day review, pretty much to tell me I was terminated. As I think about everything that has happened through out my entire training process horizontal bullying was happening. The first weeks seemed manageable, and everyone was friendly, although it felt like high school again. Then came month two, the level of acuity got a bit harder as I tried to process everything. I definitely thought I was learning a lot more, but nervous because my experience was so limited form the background I came from. Somewhere along the lines of week 10 the nightmare from hell began. The person I thought was supposed to be my trainer turned into my worst enemy. I felt judged, undermined, and just flat out bullied. I never told a soul about how my stress and anxiety level was through the roof. I tried my best to smooth things over in the end, but it was too late. I had learned you need a good teacher to teach and guide you, not point out your ever flaw and belittle you in a passive aggressive way. I had worked extremely hard to get to where I am just to be shot down and lose ever bit of confidence left inside me. I really do not understand what exactly happened that made me not qualified. I thought nursing was something you learn and grow with, not be expected to know everything in that very moment. I do have critically thinking skills, may be we do not think a like, but I am very capable of judging right from wrong. Time management is something we all learn on our own, I may not be as fast as you, but I see your mistakes too. I have caught nurses giving the wrong dose, or hanging the wrong bag. I am not the one that forgot to put in tele order and the patient did not get charged for it. I may not be brand spanking new, but to the acute care I am. I was a bit more cautious and took my time, I did not want to make a mistake. Maybe my reports were not as thorough because I have not learned how to read the monitors and could not tell you the rhythm. Each unit reported differently, some wanted more, others did not. Did we all forget what it was like to be new or did you think you were born that way. I want to thank Hawaii for leaving me jobless knowing I have four children to care of because of her lack of insecurity. The state be seem beautiful on the outside, but the angry volcano lives within. I thought to ADVOCATE was to be on a person's side, boy was I wrong! Did I choose the wrong career? Was it not my time to shine? I was angry and spiteful, but now I pity the state because she was not any more knowledgeable than I. Good teachers produce great leaders, unfortunately I was produced into a reject….I did have some that were excellent and let me learn on my own, there were a few that were on your ever move, but I will never forget the one that got me fired. The best one I had ever had is the one that taught me most and she still is my mentor.

Vacation

It was that time of the year for our annual trip out west. I would say Disney puts on one heck of a production. The best part of being at Disney was to be in the middle of Radiator Springs! I mean to see Mater and Lighting McQueen live, driving around and singing happy birthday to my son. I would have to say although I did not get to dress up as a Disney character, I did get to channel my inner Cinderella for that moment. The price of Disney has gone up in the past few years, but to see the look on my children's faces is priceless. Another comment I must add is regarding the deliciously scrumptious english toffee they sell on main street. Initially I was upset my husband wanted to purchase english toffee for $12! After trying it, I would say it was the best $12 ever spent.