Where have all the good preceptors gone?

Bullying is sad thing that happens even as an adult. This day had seem so surreal, but the reality is I truly am crushed. Today I had a meeting with my manager regarding my 90 day review, pretty much to tell me I was terminated. As I think about everything that has happened through out my entire training process horizontal bullying was happening. The first weeks seemed manageable, and everyone was friendly, although it felt like high school again. Then came month two, the level of acuity got a bit harder as I tried to process everything. I definitely thought I was learning a lot more, but nervous because my experience was so limited form the background I came from. Somewhere along the lines of week 10 the nightmare from hell began. The person I thought was supposed to be my trainer turned into my worst enemy. I felt judged, undermined, and just flat out bullied. I never told a soul about how my stress and anxiety level was through the roof. I tried my best to smooth things over in the end, but it was too late. I had learned you need a good teacher to teach and guide you, not point out your ever flaw and belittle you in a passive aggressive way. I had worked extremely hard to get to where I am just to be shot down and lose ever bit of confidence left inside me. I really do not understand what exactly happened that made me not qualified. I thought nursing was something you learn and grow with, not be expected to know everything in that very moment. I do have critically thinking skills, may be we do not think a like, but I am very capable of judging right from wrong. Time management is something we all learn on our own, I may not be as fast as you, but I see your mistakes too. I have caught nurses giving the wrong dose, or hanging the wrong bag. I am not the one that forgot to put in tele order and the patient did not get charged for it. I may not be brand spanking new, but to the acute care I am. I was a bit more cautious and took my time, I did not want to make a mistake. Maybe my reports were not as thorough because I have not learned how to read the monitors and could not tell you the rhythm. Each unit reported differently, some wanted more, others did not. Did we all forget what it was like to be new or did you think you were born that way. I want to thank Hawaii for leaving me jobless knowing I have four children to care of because of her lack of insecurity. The state be seem beautiful on the outside, but the angry volcano lives within. I thought to ADVOCATE was to be on a person's side, boy was I wrong! Did I choose the wrong career? Was it not my time to shine? I was angry and spiteful, but now I pity the state because she was not any more knowledgeable than I. Good teachers produce great leaders, unfortunately I was produced into a reject….I did have some that were excellent and let me learn on my own, there were a few that were on your ever move, but I will never forget the one that got me fired. The best one I had ever had is the one that taught me most and she still is my mentor.